


One Night Since

by ninaalegre



Category: Empire (TV 2015)
Genre: Drama, Imagining Possibilities, Jamichael, Jealous Jamal, M/M, Michael's POV, Post-Skye, Quoted Lyrics Belong to Empire, Rough Sex, angsty sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 14:46:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5789395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninaalegre/pseuds/ninaalegre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael misses Jamal, so much that even in his drunken stupor, he sees his face on another person. Too bad his vision can't be true. Or can it?</p><p>He begins to dismiss his doubts when he finds himself reunited with Jamal. One fateful night brings them together, reawakening all of their bitter feelings and undeniable passion for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Night Since

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfic is inspired by Jamichael scenes in 1x01, 1x06, 2x01 (that bit of nasty Jamal), 2x05, and a few songs in the show. My addiction to these lovely boys just made me conjure stuff. XD
> 
> I believe real love is messy, and Michael is the ultimate love of Jamal's life. So here I am, also wishing they'd make Michael more involved and further developed in Season 2B.

 

Wednesday evening in Red Light began with cranberry vodka. Three hours in, I was downing my umpteenth shot, the liquid heat a solace to my throat before it settled at the pit of my stomach. I could hardly tell what exactly I was drinking anymore after the margaritas an hour ago. I only knew that sitting at the bar with Empire's music intermittently haunting me from all corners of the room made me incredibly thirsty, and so so empty.

 

Mixing another lime-green fill, the bartender quirked an eyebrow at me. The smirk he sported was playful, something I'd gotten used to in the past several months. "You still okay, Amigo?" he asked, leaning in.

 

I responded with my usual, "Uh-hm," and tapped the tip of my index finger on the counter. I hadn't even lasted ten minutes with my previous glass.

 

"No rush," Javier warned me as he handed me a dose of his green concoction.

 

I sipped, and told him, "I'm good."

 

Shaking his head, he went back to flirting with the glamor girls opposite my spot. We'd usually talk whenever the order flow was easy, but Javier wasn't interested in humoring me tonight. I didn't make a good conversation partner anyway. A nice, good-looking man in a gray suit had approached me earlier; he ditched me when I didn't react to any of his stories and jokes. I felt bad, though I wasn't sure if it was because I passed an opportunity to socialize and attempt to move on from my stagnant state, or because my response to him made me realize again that I had a brainless one-time slip with a shitty photographer even though I was never that kind of person to begin with.

 

But there's no use lamenting over that shitty incident. It happened, and so here I was. Eyes constantly on my phone, I never tired of checking Twitter and Instagram. So much for weekday productivity. In another ten minutes, I'd most likely ask Javier for something again.

 

"Woohoo--" Behind me, the patrons cheered and chirped. I glanced over: the loungers were all smiles, swaying to the catchy beat ruling the place. Their joy pained me.

 

[ _I'm gonna love you, baby. Gonna kiss and hug you, baby. Make you feel like its alright_...]

 

I knocked back my drink. The hit was sharp to my insides. For a minute I stared at nothing, my heart sinking as the sweet melody went on. When Javier turned to me, I asked, "Can you request them to change this playlist?"

 

[ _Lately I've been wondering, are you gone and where you been? Curiosity fills the mind_...]

 

Javier eyed me strangely. "Don't think so," he replied, passing me ice water I didn't ask for. "Not your kick? Jamal Lyon always wakes the house up."

 

Of course, Jamal did. With his smooth voice and soulful words, he might even keep some narcoleptics up all night.

 

"This song-- It's just--" I sighed, running my hands through my hair. Never had I thought that this music I adored so much could drown me in sorrow one day. Listening to Jamal through the speakers was killing me. "Nevermind," I huffed at Javier. "What did you mix for the blonde a while ago?"

 

"Dry Oasis," he said.

 

"Okay. Get me that," I said.

 

"Sweet way to get wasted," crooned a deep voice I didn't recognize.

 

I turned my head and stiffened. My lips parted on their own. "J--"

 

"Make that two," the guy instructed Javier. He took the stool next to mine and, after pocketing his phone, regarded me from head to toe. His mouth curled up. "Having a bad night, handsome?" he started, offering his hand.

 

[Let's fly, let's fly, let's fly--]

 

I blinked several times at him. For one hazy second I thought Jamal had miraculously come down looking for me. I almost fell for it--with this guy's buzz cut, brown eyes, mild features, complexion, and five o'clock shadow; nonetheless, he was different. Very much different from him.

 

Shifting in my seat, I faced away. I came to Red Light to wallow in my sorrows, not to flirt and escape.

 

[ _Here we go again, here we go again, fire and emotion_...]

 

 _Perfecto_. I'd just died again tonight. Was Red Light going for a straight Jamal Hour? I inhaled sharply. My hand trembled as I gulped down the ice water.

 

"I'm Theo," the guy informed me. Eyes cast down, I busied myself again with my phone, aimlessly tracking updates and reviews I'd just read minutes ago. This fixation of mine involving anything about Jamal had grown into a pathetic vice.

 

After Javier had served the Dry Oasis, Theo tried for my attention again. "So, what's your deal, Chico?" His smug tone sung his purpose. "For a charming, droopy eyes like you to be this hammered down, it must be serious. Let me guess. Were you dumped? Did your boy cheat on you? Or..." Theo trailed off then lowered his voice just for me, "did you get caught doing it?"

 

This must be karma chasing me. "Fuck off," I spat. "Go find somebody else."

 

Unfazed, Theo clicked his tongue. "Touchy," he teased. "I'm just trying to help. You know," he moved into my personal space and whispered to my ear, "I might be what you need to cope." When he pulled away, he stared at my mouth. "What d'ya think?"

 

" _Chinga tu madre, pendejo_ ," I shot back.

 

Theo just laughed. "Listen, you're cute and all, but this," he pointed to himself, "is your loss." The bastard left a twenty, grabbed his glass, and winked at me. "I'm just over there if you change your mind." He disappeared into the hordes of silhouettes by the alcoves. 

 

My temple throbbed. Despite my tolerance, I had already hit the wall this evening. I guzzled Javier's mix, my brows wrinkling and nose scrunching at the last drop. Dry Oasis was wicked, to say the least. I told Javier so as I slipped him the money, his extra included.

 

"Good night," I practically slurred. "Till next time."

 

When I stood up, the world rocked dangerously. Thankfully, my hand reached out in time for the counter, else I'd smack my face flat on the floor.

 

"Hey, can you walk?" Javier patted my shoulder. "Should I tell security to assist you with the cab?" he offered.

 

"No need. I can do it." I righted myself the best I could. "I can do it," I convinced myself more than I assured Javier. Passing out in Red Light wasn't how I wanted to end my Wednesday; not when a bitchy hangover was already a promise on my entire Thursday.

 

The stop and leak in the restroom helped me recover a bit. The magic of splashing cold water to my face was not as strong as I'd hoped, though. Once I got to the multi-mirrored neon hallway, I wobbled on my feet, bumping into random strangers. A few people seemed to be talking to me; I couldn't say for sure. My head was buzzing faintly along with the rest of Empire's roster and associates livening up the place. 

 

At least holding onto the wall saved me from tripping. I rested there, slightly inclined, for a few minutes. When I lifted my eyes off the floor, I froze.

 

[ _Won't you, baby? In the city lights I swear I hear you call my name_ \--]

 

Jamal was right in front of me; all of sudden I couldn't breathe anymore.

 

[ _Call my name. There's nothing right. I'm stuck here while you're miles away_...]

 

His gaze--firm and unreadable--met mine. I shut my eyes tight, then fluttered them open. Dry Oasis really nailed it for me: I'd just turned into a delusional drunk.

 

[It's too much, my babe. I need you...]

 

I yearned for him, but I wasn't an idiot. Jamal wouldn't come for me anymore. He wouldn't answer any of my calls. He wouldn't meet me at all. And no one could ever blame him for doing so; I betrayed his love. I betrayed his trust.

 

[ _Oh, yeah. It's too much, my babe. I need you_.]

 

Determined to latch onto reality, I made my way out of Red Light, passing by the clueless guy whom I'd conveniently distorted into my ex-boyfriend in my mind. Past the crimson door, the New York street--cold and unapologetic--welcomed me back. There came the wretched realization: I was wasted, hopeless, and alone.

 

Then things happened in a flash. He appeared from behind me, took my arm, and yanked me into the black sedan parked a few paces away.

 

"What--" I resisted, twisting away. "W-w-wait--"

 

"Get in," he barked, shoving me further in. "Move."

 

I was already light-headed when he got me stuck in the corner of the backseat. The car sped up into traffic as soon as he slipped inside after me. It had taken me minutes to absorb the situation.

 

"I don't understand," I muttered, skeptical at his rigid profile. "Jamal, you couldn't be--"

 

But he was beside me. Jamal was beside me... Right?

 

Ah, I truly had it bad this time.

 

I chuckled, rubbing my face with both hands. That must have irked him up; because when I looked at him again, his dark eyes were on me, short of  flaming in rage. I fell silent, lolled my head back, the seat leather cold on my nape.

 

Such irony: the soft alcohol buzz had me numb yet feeling so much at the same time. I'd been dying to see Jamal, but when he's finally here with me I wished for nothing else but to disappear into thin air.

 

The silence in the car was chilled and heavy and seemingly so long. I opened my eyes to slits, blankly watching those mundane downtown views pass by the window. "Where're we going?" I murmured then snorted. " _No mames_. Didn't I just sound like Dora asking you that?"

 

I laughed; Jamal heard nothing. My silly amusement was ignored till it died down on its own. My stomach churned. My mind wandered away, flying out of the window, replaced by songs that faded in and played in my head whenever I tried to stop thinking.

 

[ _Delta John to Alpha One, said my systems checkin'. Something's going on. What to do? Are you coming through_?]

 

How many more times should I fall to my demise? Even alcohol couldn't desensitize me from these invisible bullet wounds I deserved. I folded my arms over my chest, attempting to pull myself together. In the end, all I could do was stick to the corner and hum out his song during the trip.

 

[ _Delta John to Alpha One, said my systems crashed, and something's come undone. 911, copy, copy you_...]

 

Then the engine stopped, propelling me back to my senses. Jamal plucked me out of the car unceremoniously. Without a word, he dragged me into his house, his hand clutching and fingers clawing my elbow.

 

"Jamal," I croaked. "Jam--"

 

His icy glance shut me up at once. For a strange moment, it felt like I just caught Lucious's eyes, the eyes I dreaded whenever we met. Well, my ex-boyfriend was indeed his son. Jamal tightened his hold and led me further inside, his back wrought with tension. I almost stumbled on my feet in his living room--achingly, our living room those distant months ago.

 

Jamal didn't give me time. He turned around, backed me harshly against the wall, my upper back smacking it. I scowled at him, but before I could utter a word, he pressed on me and captured my breath.

 

"Ja-- Mmpf! Nngg!"

 

Jerky, powerful hands tugged and clenched the loose curls at the back of my head. Jamal was devouring my parted lips as though he'd needed to respire through me. He sucked and nipped at them, angled his jaw, rubbing his stubble against mine.

 

I had granted him easy entry. I let his hot tongue slide over mine, let him lick about without hesitation, and let Jamal explore the texture of my mouth. I savored him back, my senses rejoicing at the slick feast.

 

Tremors ran down my spine. Were my senses tricking me? Somehow Jamal tasted of cranberry vodka, the flavors faint but existing.

 

He panted; I moaned. Our hungry contact ignited sparks, desperate tongues entwining and fighting for dominion in our long harsh kiss.

 

Forward still, Jamal crushed me between his hard chest and the wall. He virtually didn't allow me to breathe as he conquered my mouth. His knee parted mine, his bulging crotch grinding against mine. My cheeks heated, skull feeling unbelievably full, but I responded to him ardently anyway; I ached for his love; I'd gladly take and receive what he'd give me.

 

My hands clenched the fabric on his shoulders. It had been so long, too long. I embraced him like a drowning man, never wanting to let go; alas, we had to break the contact lest we'd run out of air.

 

Our foreheads were linked together. I exhaled, "I'm sorry," over and over.

 

Just when I thought he'd never answer, my name escaped his lips. "Michael," he breathed. Warmth welled up in my chest. So much had I missed hearing him call me in that airy voice of his.

 

Tautness still in our frames, we stayed glued to each other for a long moment. I knew that a difficult battle was going on inside him. I could tell with the way Jamal's eyes smoldered under his lashes: he desired me, yet he loathed me.

 

Minutes stretched on. The passionate grip I had on his shoulders eventually weakened. My hands dropped to my sides. His jaw tightened, the edge of his eyebrow twitched. Avoiding his intense gaze, I disentangled him from me. Gently, carefully.

 

"Jamal," I whispered, swallowed, then continued, "I know you might not be ready to talk to me yet, but-- It's been months, and perhaps we could--"

 

I puffed, raking my hair. Where was I going with this? I was beyond swimmy in the head at this point; it didn't help that this boat we were in wasn't up for sailing.

 

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. As much as I was longing to be with Jamal, I couldn't shake off the trepidation that I'd fuck up bigtime again. I worried I was already about to do that with my incoherence. 

 

I stepped aside, needing little space for a moment, when I found myself flat against the wall again. In the blink of an eye, Jamal--brash and eager--was all over me.

 

Biting kisses rained down my face and neck. His hands slipped down, squeezed my hips, kneaded my ass; the trails left me tingling and heaving with need. The rush channeled straight to my lower region. His teethy kisses numbed my brain. The connection turned my knees to jelly.

 

"Hnn-- Dizzy," I gasped as Jamal nibbled my earlobe, making me harder. "Mal-- Haa-- Wai-- Mmf--"

 

Seizing my lips, he tore my shirt off and sent buttons flying. He had me half-naked in a flash. His hand curved at the back of my neck as he removed me from the wall, taking me with him towards the stairs.

 

Not wasting any second, he scooped me off my feet and had me bent over his strong shoulder. "Shit," I hissed, struggling weakly. My stomach grumbled. He'd have to put me down, or I'd be vomiting over him.

 

Sensing this, he spanked my butt, startling me. "Don't you ever try," he warned sternly as we entered his spacious room. I yelped when he tossed me onto his bed, landing me clumsily on my back. I propped myself up on my elbows. He forced my shoes off, then took off his own. His shirt, belt, jeans, and boxers followed, every item carelessly thrown to the floor.

 

Enchanted, I drew a deep breath. My eyes marveled at the solid planes and hard, lean swells of his caramel body. My nerves tingled at the recollection of how it felt to be under his strength, of how pleasant it was to be mantled by his feverish warmth. The world faded in and out, but Jamal, tempting and standing there naked, remained vibrant and solid; just like the certainty that all those days and nights we'd shared together for more than two years were the best I'd ever been with anybody.

 

Jamal put his knee on the mattress, then slowly crawled in like a predator that he was. I instinctively inched back as he closed in on me. Moving forward, his eyes narrowed, his brows knitted. I hit the headboard. He stretched out his arms, palms flat on the mattress, trapping me in between.

 

My heart was pounding so much that I felt the pang to the surface. To say his scrutiny was unnerving was an understatement. Jamal had me swinging on the edge.

 

He pulled me fast by my hips and straddled me, his weight painfully familiar. Tender, moist lips found the shell of my left ear, sending chills down my frame. "So, how many guys have you hooked up with since Chase?" he asked steely. "Did someone just blow you at Red today?"

 

My eyes widened. Jamal could have just physically kicked me in the gut with those words. Trying to breathe, I tilted my head to the side. He didn't take that response well. He grabbed my face and kissed me roughly, nearly suffocating me, before he allowed me some air. His tongue swept down my neck.

 

Then he bit me, hard. "Uhh!" I jolted, eyes watering at the edges. My neck stung from the teeth marks that wouldn't take long to bruise.

 

"I hate you," his voice broke, the sound hollowing my chest. "I hate you so much, Michael."

 

Still holding me, he sucked at the spot he had just marked deeply. I winced, fidgeting. "I know," I mouthed.

 

Jamal withdrew and snapped, "Damn you should."

 

The hope that bloomed since I got in his car had all vanished by now. What we were doing was neither a confrontation nor a reconciliation. This was just us unleashing those nasty and bitter feelings we both left hanging that night in this house. It hurt, but it'd be right to let it all out. We needed this. I needed him.

 

Brusquely, Jamal dove and nipped me from shoulder to abdomen. My cock throbbed with every dip of his teeth. He hooked his fingers at my belt hoops, unzipped the fly, and abruptly pulled the pants and briefs out of his way. Despite my sinking feelings, I was ready for him. I was always willing for him.

 

We'd been this rough before; we'd been this close before.

 

"Haa--" My eyes rolled back when Jamal engulfed me. Without warning, he had swallowed me, the head of my cock hitting his throat. There was no room for frisky teasing in our union. He sucked me in with vigor, his mouth skillfully rushing me towards the blinding peak. He wrapped his hand around my hard length--squeezing, rubbing, up and down in time with his bobbing head. His other hand massaged my balls for minutes before it traveled down to explore my crack.

 

Biting my bottom lip, I gripped at the pillow beneath my head. I was a writhing mess. My toes curled, feet sliding, unable to find purchase at the covers. Jamal kept on working my cock with his throat and mouth while his finger, wet from his saliva, was digging between my butt cheeks. Goosebumps crawled endlessly over my flesh, the sensation reaching up to my scalp.

 

"Baby," I purred, gradually falling apart. "Ohh, baby--" His delightful finger prodded farther, the first knuckle almost in. "Yesss--"

 

When I peered down, my chest constricted. Jamal's dark eyes were trained on me as he expertly touched and tasted my body. His tongue repeatedly lapped around my crown, the noises wet and hungry. I arched my back as his finger curled in at my hole. I reveled in the consuming sensations. Everything else stopped moving the moment I fell on my back in this bed. Tonight what only mattered was Jamal and I moving with and against each other.

 

I knew he wouldn't have me lasting for too long. After sucking me into becoming impossibly harder, he released my cock with a slick pop, then jerked me so fast the motions blurred around my length. Watching him, I couldn't stifle my shameless voice anymore. The sounds I made bounced off the walls.

 

His finger kept on driving deeper and bolder, and though he'd gotten my inner walls faintly burning with the hurried intrusion, when he'd reached and stroked that sensitive spot, my eyes flew open. My brain froze as my body shook, and I came in hot-white spurts, staining even my neck and chin.

 

His vision remained fixed at me, making me squirm more, making me further crumple the silken sheets with my weight. Jamal milked my cock with his hard movements. His long finger continued to play with my prostate. My face distorted. My tongue slurred blissful curses. 

 

I thought the sensual ride would go on forever, but Jamal's hand slowed down until it was over. I dropped flat on my back, huffing and soft-boned in bed. Sweat coated my forehead, dampening the stray fringes there.

 

The room dimmed at the edges to my eyes. I could barely move. My body was still wafting, humming in post-orgasm when Jamal buried his face at the crook of my neck. I waited. There was nothing but his breaths on my skin. I lifted my hand, fingers lightly brushing the back of his head. He was atop me, the erection between his legs poking my inner thighs.

 

"I miss you so much, Jamal," I whispered in daze as I traced circles on his nape. I heard him make a throaty noise. He pushed up and suddenly pulled at my hair. I flinched, though it didn't really hurt.

 

Jamal didn't say anything. He just loomed over, studying me with his lower lip trembling, his brows wrinkled, and eyes glistening. Watching his face, the reflection of his raw emotions, struck me more than anything he'd ever said so far.

 

"Go on, baby," I told him. 

 

Staring me down, tight-lipped, his lashes fluttered. I reached up, my hand stilling for a moment before the contact. I palmed his jaw. My thumb languidly stroked at his dimple spot.

 

Jamal grunted. We locked our lips together, our tongues aggressively connecting once more. "Hnn--"

 

He tipped my head back and relentlessly swathed his tongue over my cheek walls and teeth. Thin saliva trickled from the corner of my lips. His free hand moved down, finding my cum-stained chest. He twisted my nipple, making me whimper into his mouth.

 

Bristly Jamal was driving me crazy. He smeared the traces of my orgasm all over my abdomen as he absorbed in my breaths. My cock stirred every time he pinched and rolled each of my nipples between his fingers. He'd always loved doing that. Playing with my buds turned him on whenever we were intimate; knowing it still did after everything spurred on the heat coursing through my veins.

 

He broke the mind-blowing kiss. I groaned at the loss, but he soon slurped down my collar bone, grazing the flesh there with his teeth. I couldn't get enough. I spread my legs for him, accommodating his cock to my groin. I rubbed my inner thighs against his firm limbs.

 

"Dammit, Michael," Jamal growled. He raised his torso off my chest and quickly fumbled in the bedside drawer. When he found the magic bottle, his entire focus was right off back at me.

 

Movements still rash, Jamal yanked my hips over his thighs. I could hear him breathing unsteadily as he poured the lube over his cock. I jolted when his slicked finger poked my hole.

 

"Need you now," Jamal rasped. I nodded fervently, lifting my knees, opening my legs for him. Knowing what was next revived my senses. I needed him, too. Not just tonight, but for the rest of my life.

 

"Fuck me," I invited. Everything I'd imbibed early in the evening had already mellowed out my muscles. He'd have to exert the most effort, which also meant he could do anything he liked with me. "Fill me, Jamal. Please, baby."

 

"You're so fucking bad, Michael," I heard him growl as he positioned himself on me. His cock dabbed at my ass once, then hurriedly pushed past the pucker for its entry. I shivered and moaned. Having the head of his dick in had me trembling for more.

 

And Jamal wasn't patient tonight either. He bent down, grabbed my sides fast, and at the exact, same second that he thrust deep into me, he drew me back down to him, fully sealing us to the hilt. I hardly recognized the first scream that left my lips. If he'd record me at this and I'd listen to myself later soberly, I'd probably shrink in embarrassment.

 

"Very bad," he exhaled before he engaged me in another charged kiss. That didn't stop him from going intensely at it. Jamal withdrew nearly off the brim then rammed right back in. He ground into me, rocking me ceaselessly, pistoning at my spot repeatedly, while he drowned my obscene cries with his searing lips and tongue. My body didn't know what else to do. My fingers clawed at his back, nails scraping at the smooth skin. I wound my legs around his middle, begging him deeper in me.

 

Jamal seemed to want that, too. Arms at my back and still inside me, he hauled me up onto his lap. The abrupt change in angle with his nonstop thrusts had me virtually wailing, filling the room with nothing but my hoarse voice. He sunk his teeth at my shoulder as he pierced me again and again with his cock, eliciting scandalous moans from me.

 

Chest to chest like this, our sweat and heat passed off each other. I could barely contain the sensations he'd been giving me. Jamal took me up in cloud nine, so I held onto him tightly, afraid to fall.

 

I wrapped my arms around his neck. Bestriding him, I braced my legs and shifted my feet against the sheets. At the timing, I bounced on him and tightened the inner muscles around his entire length. "Oh fuck," he gritted out. Hearing him like that, the ends of my lips pulled up. My legs strained, but I kept on repeating the movements, loving what it did to him and his dick. 

 

"Papi," I panted in between the sensual music our entangled bodies were making. "Papiii," I cried before I chewed at his earlobe. That earned me a loud, burning smack at my ass. I threw my head back; Jamal planted his mouth at the curve of my neck. He slapped my other butt cheek, then kneaded the stung flesh. Jamal did that again and again, mixing the pain and the pleasure.

 

The bed creaked lewdly with Jamal and I pumping and bouncing in it. My lower limbs got tired too soon for my liking. I rested my face at his shoulder, eyes on the far corner but really seeing nothing. "Hngh-- Mal--" I whimpered.

 

"I got us," he said before he pressed lingering kisses at my temple.

 

Inclining forward, Jamal lifted my ass off him and drove me back down. That slam and angle just about turned everything white to me. He took over this time, his breathing that of a man who'd just ran miles. My body was on fire with the surging waves of pleasure. I was oh so close, and I could feel that Jamal was, too.

 

"Uh, I can't--" I gasped, clasping his arms hard, mouth ajar. "Jamal, Jamal, Jama--Ahhhhh--" Completely washed over by the intense tide, I bursted, my vision blacking out as I squirted in strings. My back almost bowed out at the current. I was still high, barely off the climax when Jamal roared at my ear, his hips slapping my ass without interval, his cock striking my sweet spot fiercely. I felt him throb and swell; he stilled, and in seconds, he was grinding in staccato, jamming my insides. Jamal filled me like how I'd asked him to--just like how he'd used to.

 

Something intangible inside me shattered. My shoulders shook, my lips aquiver. "Sorry," I sobbed, hanging on to him. "Please..." Unstoppable, these emotions overflowed, leaving me wheezing.

 

Jamal shifted us, laying me on my back. Tears faintly blurred him from my sight. He cupped my cheeks with both hands, his nose brushing against mine. "Shh, baby," he hushed.

 

We stayed that way--Jamal atop me, both of us staring at each other--until my breaths steadied. Slowly, he pulled out of me and rolled over, prompting another meltdown. "Shh, principe," he soothed me as he rested his arm over my waist. I didn't want to close my eyes, but the lids grew irresistibly heavy like the rest of my body.

 

The next thing I knew I blearily opened my eyes to a punishing headache. I squirmed under the covers, my temple ticking irritatingly. If not for my full bladder, I wouldn't bother dragging myself off the bed.

 

The bed. This bed was empty on the right side. Jamal wasn't with me anymore. Realizing this only worsened the horrible hangover.

 

I managed to get up on my feet with my lower back dull and legs strained. I reeked of alcohol, sweat, and sex, so I took advantage of Jamal's bathroom. The warm shower relieved my queasiness, but it didn't stop me from feeling mortified. Under the water, clearer and fresher memories dawned on me. Whatever stupidity I did last night in my drunken state wasn't helping my confidence level with Jamal.

 

I was soon taken aback when I checked myself on the mirror. Love bruises were spread on my body, the prominent ones at my jaw, neck, and collar. I'd have to borrow something for cover, or I'd get catcalls in the streets for these.

 

I searched for my clothes, but none were in his room. Even my shoes were missing. Towel wrapped around my middle, I headed down for the living room. It was already noon; Jamal should be at the studio or somewhere else by then; however, as I passed the hall and descended the steps, I heard the piano playing. I heard him singing. I was suddenly empty, walking in.

 

[ _Cause you can't love, and he won't leave, and you can't hide the urgency. Till the night and days are gone, still you try and wake alone_ \--]

 

Jamal halted when he found me stopping by the wall. My eyes darted aimlessly at objects that didn't matter. I could feel his heavy focus, the marks he'd left on me open to his view. I bit my lip before I said, "I can't find my clothes and shoes."

 

"Is that my problem?" he answered.

 

I looked up at him: he was devouring me with his eyes so dark and cold. There was no trace of the physical ardor we'd shared only hours ago. I turned around and went to the living room, even checked the kitchen and the dining area. I purposely avoided the balcony during my search. After that rotten incident, I'd promised never to set foot in there again.

 

Back at where Jamal was, I cleared my throat. "Can I have them, please?" I asked him.

 

He stood up, took the gray paper bag at the foot of his stool, and handed it to me. There were clothes and loafers inside, but... "These aren't mine."

 

Jamal kept close, examining the hickey at my neck, making me antsy. "Wear these instead," he said.

 

"You don't have to do this," I sighed. "Also, my phone and wallet's in my pocket."

 

He fished my phone and wallet from his own pocket, thrusting them to my chest "Here."

 

"Jamal--"

 

"You're right, Michael," he cut in, stepping forward till we were barely an inch from each other, his attention on my lips. "I'm not ready to talk to you yet," he admitted. "Not now."

 

"When?" I whispered, my heart threatening to leap off my chest. "When can we talk about... us?"

 

"I don't know."

 

My heart stilled for a second. I didn't know what to reply, probably because I felt nothing when he said that. Not that I wasn't affected, rather my system couldn't name the feeling anymore.

 

"About last night--"

 

"Just dress up and leave." Jamal dismissed me and returned to his piano.

 

I did as was told. At least he was sensitive enough to lend me clothes that would hide the evidences of our night together. I had no right to question his mood either way. I wasn't dumb to forget that he was still terribly hurting.

 

I didn't want to push him. Jamal could have all the time and space he'd needed so long as he would be willing to give me a chance again--that one shot to prove myself to him.

 

I exited his place, my brain half-working, half-floating. But what welcomed me outside his house sobered me in an instant--Lucious Lyon just got out of his car and greeted me with his most repulsed expression. The way he'd always regarded me never failed to make me feel like I wasn't allowed to inhale the same air as him.

 

Not sparing any word, Lucious walked in to his son's house; the legendary man was gracious enough to grace me with an insulting simper when he passed by. 

 

I spent the next half hour, spacing out at Jamal's doorstep. Seeing his father again--his family--made me question things, whether from the past or the future. And just like that, epiphany hit me: it wouldn't simply be about proving myself to Jamal this time. Who and what he needed to stand by his side was an equal.

 

I needed to become the worthy equal.


End file.
